Findings for investment in crazy jays rating agency

MBA

There seems to be no current customer or any plans to get one. I am given the impression that they do not take their job seriously. The staff was unhelpful and for some unknown reason everytime I asked for something the employee grumbled under breath, "You just wait till we acquire a rubberband." When I requested their marketing plan, they gave me a grocery list. I also inquired as to their sales projections. Their response was,"What do you think we are, rich? We can't afford a projector." All in all you would be crazy to invest in this business.

Private Investigator

When investigating the background of these people, we discovered that the majority of employees were false identities. The odd part is that they took the time to forge criminal records for the fake employees that included all sorts of strange crimes. Some examples are:
and so on. It almost appears as the people in this company went to a website to find weird laws and went around intentionally breaking them. Do not trust these people.

Lawyer

After a few minutes of investigation, I realized I would sue these people for you but you can't squeeze blood from a stone. Stay away from these people.

Accountant

Their books consist of a multiplication table written in crayon. The table is incorrect on 5 times 12 as well as everything times the number 1. Jay Daloon claims the company is worth 7 billion dollars because that is what he paid for it. He admitted that he was able to buy the company by promising payment on July 39, 2960. After which he smiled and said,"Pretty smart huh? There is no year 2960."

Mercenary

When entering the office we first looked into their files. It appears that all files were written in the wing ding fonts which makes them either really clever or they have no idea what any of their documents actually say. Upon opening their email we found a corporate wide email saying that all documents going forward are to be in the wing ding font for plausible deniability in case of legal action taken against the company. It is apparent that they themselves can't read the wing ding font.
While waterboarding Jay Daloon, he admitted several interesting things. The first was that he wouldn't have volunteered his company if he remembered this particular part of the service. This leads us to conclude he may not fully believe in the product he is selling. The second thing he admitted was that he had no way to pay us for the work we were currently doing. This prompted us to pack up and leave immediately. The only reason we are writing this is that we think he will be stupid enough to show it to perspective clients.
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