A woman called about a job in drums pennsylvania. It has a night shift and it does the kind of stuff I want to do. In all ways, it is perfect for me but I can’t bring myself to call back. I dial the number and look at it then decide not to. Then I dial the number again and repeat. I don’t want a repeat of what happened at walmart and I know that is what is on the way. Not only that but I am no longer normal not that I was ever very normal but this is new. I went to the mcdonald’s and twice now people interacted with me. Not just people but people I didn’t know. One was a young woman at the drive thru who actually started a more then pleasant conversation. Freaked me out completely and then there was the hi the gentleman gave me in passing. Both times it was borderline anxiety attack. I got called a freak well driving and that kind of relaxed me and made me feel things were getting back to normal.
I have to break this desire to be isolated. This job in drums is my dream. It is perfect in every way and yet when I put the number in the phone it is always the same thought.
“They are just going to be abusive till I leave. No good is going to come of taking this job. They don’t want you to work. They want you to be abused by them.”
The other side of the argument is:
“I know I have to take the chance eventually and stalling is just making it worse so why waste time. Just get it over with. Call back take the job. You will be on the phone the whole time so their abuse will be limited.”
The third voice is the stupidest one of all.
“Maybe you will get lucky and they won’t want you. You make the call back and they deny you and done.”
I don’t want to do that though because it just wastes the ladies time and she was nice enough to call back the most hated guy in the world. Do you really want to reward someone who takes time out of their day to investigate hiring the most hated guy in the world. That is a nice thing to do especially since it is known by everyone I am hated world round so she knows who she is calling.
This is type of indecisiveness and anxiety is the gift of the traffic and I treasure it oh so very much.