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Stupid Idea

Poor Class lobbyists answer for systemically poor. I am stupid so it isn’t like I can change anything but it seems a good idea. You could argue
that all lotteries are a tax on the poor and so half their proceeds should be divided among the Poor class Lobby and then instead of having to raise
money for lobbying, the poor could just keep playing the lotto and eventually it will work itself out. Better schools in bad neighborhoods and so on would
all be personally and financially beneficial to washington as well as state officials. Everyone is happy but the place where the current proceeds go
and they have a strong lobby so it would be a war to get their fingers out of the pot but better for society. Sending tax money to a lobby sounds wrong
but it is how the current lobby works minus the trip to the various organizations and corporations. I guess you could setup a non profit that the money could be sent to with rules that a certain percentage of their proceeds must go to lobbyist and publicize their records. It seems currently that the plight of the poor is publicly center stage but privately not super valuable for the politician and this would add private value to the politicians. Also
this would put the ideas of how to help the poor by the poor in the faces of politicians rather then the politicians having to come up with all the ideas on
his/her own.

At 80 billion dollars annually then say a quarter of that goes into lobbying and two thirds of that half winds up in the politicians hand   The poor get represented by   13 billion dollars and the amount changes with the population of the poor.  More poor more money spent changing legislation.  Less poor, less money spent representing the poor population.

Would you stop yelling about how dumb  my ideas are.  I know they are dumb but I still like playing with the idea to see how it plays out.  Really all you need is 2 billion to best the biggest lobby which seems to be the chamber of commerce.

Someone shouted what about all the infrastructure that pays for. While a dwindling lower class should increase the tax base which should provide more money to the government which is the current reason for lowering taxes. The dwindling poor class should compensate if there is any truth to this argument. You guys get so mad, it is just stupid conjecture and an idea I am looking at. It is not like it will become a reality. None of it changes the fact that I need a job and can’t
get one which leaves me starving to death.

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Things my dream job would have

Let’s start with the location:

Currently I am fascinated by the town of Hutchinson, Kansas.  Now this may seem odd to you that this would be the place I would pick to live and hang my hat if I could choose anywhere so I thought I would start with explaining what I am looking for in a place to live and work.

It is not saying much about my sophistication but my definition of civilization is access to a Walmart and a Walgreens.  So really anywhere with semi reasonable access to those is a winner in my mind.  The other part of Hutchinson that really draws me is the low cost of living and the small almost rural but not quite rural aspects that it has.  If employed in a work at home job, I think I would probably head that way as soon as possible.

Lately though, Pennsylvania has had some real draw with some interesting jobs.  There was an amazing looking job in Drums, PA but I just couldn’t push myself into it yet.  You see, as the most hated man in the world, I have no problem enduring the hatred and abuse but I feel sorry for the people that are so angry and unhappy that they fill with rage.  No one wants to be responsible for filling someone with rage but I digress.

Besides location there is the type of work I want to do.  I have a bum knee and it is getting worse so I need employment that will not aggravate my knee.  Also I really want to work with Maria/MySQL, php, and javascript with the goal of becoming a dba eventually.  Now my skills at all three are rudimentary and yesterday I even applied for a work at home internship as a method for getting something current on my resume.  I have also been working on getting some skills on wordpress.  I am thinking of spending some time on bootstrap as well.

I think that is a pretty good start for what I am looking for, now I will add to it in future posts as I notice other things that leap out at me on the job boards.

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What it all boils down to

Someone in the traffic decided to hit me with the statement, “I am better then you.”

My honest response to that is that I don’t see it.  I have watched this for some twenty years now.  During this time you have cursed at me, spit on me and threatened me.  I have changed over those years but the traffic has remained stagnate.  With the exception of you being employed and my not being employed, I feel like I am the one who is better.

I don’t make up strange excuses for treating others poorly.  I don’t walk around and abuse people and I don’t feel a feeling of accomplishment from wronging other people.  These are things I have observed for twenty years solid.  I know you think that you are proving something with your gestures and vicious words but all those really accomplish is that they make me feel sorry for you.

I need a job and won’t deny it but the vocal portions of the traffic remind me of Jerry Springer shows.  I just feel sorry for you and I wish you had something in your life that made you content.   You are so busy attacking me for something that you all did to me.  I didn’t make up the traffic and I certainly never behaved as poorly as that.

Let me ask you this.  Would you feel less then someone who is abusive, mean and nasty toward you for twenty years or would you feel sorry for them that they thought that was an appropriate way to act?

For me, I feel like the worst people in the world have come around to lecture me about how bad a human being I am. You want to scream at them, “Look at your behavior and you are going to lecture me on how to behave”.

I guess you are right.  I do feel superior to most of the traffic because a twenty year hate on is just stupid and then I get lectured on how smart these people are.  The job is definitely a problem of mine but all the rest proves to me that I am better then you and the only way you can prove otherwise is to behave in a way that makes me feel you are better then me.  I kind of doubt most of the traffic is capable of that since it includes not calling people disgusting, piece of shit, faggot, fuck you and so on.  This is something that it is quite clear that you do not excel at.

These are not qualities that I admire and make me think to myself, “Man these people are better then me.”  These are qualities that make me think, “Wow, these people are broken and twisted.”

 

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Current message

This is really rare which makes it worth notice.  Every once in awhile the traffic will deviate from threatening me or being abusive and just say what is on its mind.  Because this is rare, I should comment on it simply because it may be an activity that when engaged in could actually be constructive.

Anyway the lady just said, “Your horrible.”  I am not so sure about that.  The horror to me is the lack of being employed.  For the most part other than that I am a fairly nice guy.  I need to clean my house more but that is sloppy.

I don’t spend my days sitting around and expressing violence or vulgarity at people which many of you really seem to enjoy partaking in.  However this woman didn’t do that so I myself should respond with similar aplomb.

If the traffic wishes to really get into my life as it seems determined to do, it should write a list of all the horrors I have subjected the traffic to and with the exception of employment, posts those things I have done wrong to it below.

Assuming you send legitimate beefs, I will get to work on fixing those things immediately.  Just let me know all the things besides not working that I have done to you.  Working is something that I have tried to do over and over again only to be shut down for it by the traffic.

Also, I hope to find a remote position that will make it harder for the traffic to be abusive to me during work so I am not ignoring the work aspect but rather I am already working on fixing that one.

Just let me know what your beefs are.  I am being serious.  This is not me trying to be sarcastic.  I want to know.  What is the worst that can happen?  I can ignore a bunch of chuckle head comments.  That is worth the risk when the potential on the other side is my bettering myself.  I will take that risk every time.

Update on this post:

Although no has commented on the site, a member of the traffic yelled in my window, “I am too polite to express what I think of you.”

I have a couple issues with this comment.

First:  Nothing of the traffic’s actions in the last twenty years has been polite.  In fact it has increased in impolite behavior consistently every year.  So claiming politeness at this point is shear ridiculousness.

Second: You can express almost anything politely that you can express impolitely so politeness shouldn’t slow you down at all.  The only reason I say this is that it appears the traffic likes the situation of me being the super evil bad guy and it being all pissed at me for such.  It is the only rationale I can think of because it resists all my efforts to not be what makes it so damned angry at me for.

So even if you can’t be polite, send it in a comment so I can fix this so that you are no longer stewing in your anger.  I assume you want to communicate or you wouldn’t come up to me every minute of every day with something to say or some gesture that I am supposed to figure out.

I can’t think of a better or more accessible way to fix this then right here and right now.

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My decision on looking for a job

I believe the best course of action is to apply to jobs that are mostly work from home.  This solution should work for everyone although I am confident the traffic is only concerned with solutions that don’t work for me and has been all about that since its inception.

A work at home job is really ideal for someone in my shoes.  It would let me be a productive member of society and not cause anyone the harm of being near me.  I applied to a couple positions today that are either right up that alley or there was one that was located in the middle of Pennsylvania which I would be happy to take.

Either way, I need to find employment and I decided that my search should be its own category.  Every time I  find a job opportunity I like, I will post what about it drew me to it and how I feel about it.  This way I can look back at the category and take a look at what it is that would make the perfect job.  This will also be valuable to potential employers so that they can see what it is that draws me to a job just by looking at the Job Search category of my blog.

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Not sure about this part of the traffic

I don’t know if I should categorize these things the traffic does as threats or not.  On my way into the house a big guy who was installing windows said I was a P***Y.  I think that is really all you need to know about the word.  However due to his approach and size, it made me nervous for a bit and got my adrenaline pumping.

The other incident was yesterday and that was when some guy that I have never seen came up to me in the store and whispered “Die” in my ear.  I didn’t get the adrenaline boost from that one for some reason.

Now although both interactions were quite abusive and intended to cause me some kind of duress, I don’t know if it is fair to categorize those as threats or just expressions designed to make me feel bad.

After twenty years of abusive nature from the traffic, I know it is quite capable of far more threatening behavior and it has certainly been a great deal more aggressive.  I think the abusive nature should be classified as threats unlike the shouts of “ewe” that I have been hearing everywhere I walked this morning.  Those are just too childish to be threatening even though it does seem a foolish way to pass the time.

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I wish I knew the answer about the job thing

Every time in the last twenty years that I have tried getting a job,  the traffic showed up and I would say, “Look there is the traffic.”  Then I wound up on meds or in the hospital.  I wish the traffic would decide what would bring it happiness besides hating me.  I get the job and it  whispers just leave and calls me names.  I don’t have a job and I am called names for being unemployed.  I keep mentioning the Walmart but I suddenly realize none of you were there.  I went and did my best only to be abused the whole time.  I would have been more than happy to continue trying to work through the abuse but people were yelling in my windows when I got home.  All sorts of freaky stuff but I was even willing to ignore that until someone hit on the magic button and said they were going to cease the house from my family (I use the term quite loosely).  When something of that value is on the line, you have to take threat seriously so I left with no idea where to go. I was pretty frazzled at this point so I went to my mothers house where she continued her twenty year lie.  They wouldn’t let me sleep and kept yelling in windows.  Eventually I really did lose my mind and then I was in the hospital.  Some of the things they were yelling were suicide based.  Then the traffic struck in the hospital where they had a clear shot and I decided that they were determined to be my enemies.

The only reason I tell you this is that after several jobs and twenty years, I have no choice but to expect this to occur at any attempt at a job.  The Walmart job had ramifications for the people who worked there.  They hissed things and did what they could to get rid of me.  Its been a no win situation for twenty years.  The only person who doesn’t seem to blame me for it, is my mother who happily and smugly walks around whispering about how she is the one responsible for this and how great she was to do it.

You should do whatever makes you happy I guess.  It is just weird that so many derive happiness from being mad at me.  I don’t want to be one of those “Go F yourself guys.”  Something about the whole, “I am going to show this a hole how wrong he is by walking up to him and showing him what a real a hole is.” just doesn’t appeal to me.

I hate myself when I have the urge to respond to people with the words, “F you very much.”  The urge is there sometimes but I fight it because it just adds to the crappy meter.  I don’t want to be that guy.  Not that I want to be the guy on the dole either which is what I am.  I certainly don’t want to be the abused for twenty years guy and then blamed for the twenty years of abuse but sometimes you don’t get choices.

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The job

A woman called about a job in drums pennsylvania. It has a night shift and it does the kind of stuff I want to do.  In all ways, it is perfect for me but I can’t bring myself to call back.  I dial the number and look at it then decide not to.  Then I dial the number again and repeat.  I don’t want a repeat of what happened at walmart and I know that is what is on the way.  Not only that but I am no longer normal not that I was ever very normal but this is new.  I went to the mcdonald’s and twice now people interacted with me.  Not just people but people I didn’t know.  One was a young woman at the drive thru who actually started a more then pleasant conversation.  Freaked me out completely and then there was the hi the gentleman gave me in passing.  Both times it was borderline anxiety attack.  I got called a freak well driving and that kind of relaxed me and made me feel things were getting back to normal.

I have to break this desire to be isolated.  This job in drums is my dream.  It is perfect in every way and yet when I put the number in the phone it is always the same thought.

“They are just going to be abusive till I leave.  No good is going to come of taking this job.  They don’t want you to work.  They want you to be abused by them.”

The other side of the argument is:

“I know I have to take the chance eventually and stalling is just making it worse so why waste time.  Just get it over with.  Call back take the job.  You will be on the phone the whole time so their abuse will be limited.”

The third voice is the stupidest one of all.

“Maybe you will get lucky and they won’t want you.  You make the call back and they deny you and done.”

I don’t want to do that though because it just wastes the ladies time and she was nice enough to call back the most hated guy in the world.   Do you really want to reward someone who takes time out of their day to investigate hiring the most hated guy in the world.  That is a nice thing to do especially since it is known by everyone I am hated world round so she knows who she is calling.

This is type of indecisiveness and anxiety is the gift of the traffic and I treasure it oh so very much.

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Victim blaming

This has been the traffic’s bread and butter.  While the bread and butter for the families abuse has been gas lighting, the traffic’s bread and butter has been victim blaming.

You do it all the time.  I am tired of writing but I am sure someone will explain to me again that it is my fault that you have to treat me so badly.  They will tell me all about how their actions are my responsibility.

Why do they feel this way?  My money is on a lack of employment but going back and looking at it, they contributed greatly to my inability to recover a life from the shambles I made at my first attempt.

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Threats

These have diminished a bit of late but they certainly have been a big part of my life over the years.  That is the thing.  The traffic does half the abuse and the non traffic does the other half.  Since the two seem to never combine, I am not sure if they even know they are fitting the very definition of being abusive.

I have been spit on on and been told how badly people want to punch my face inside out, broken arms or broken legs and even the occasionally the threat of death.  The point is their existence is a prevalent part of life for me.

There really isn’t a lot to discuss on this topic because we all know what threats are and really all you need to know is the prevalence of them to be faced with the one truth that is undeniable.  The traffic has been abusing me for at least two decades now while pretending to be oh so great and noble.

I guess I didn’t want to admit it but I have always known.  I find it laughable that the traffic has the nerve to lecture me while engaging in this behavior.